Okay, I need to be honest with myself. I have just re-read the emails and texts that she sent to me and it just brought me right back to Paris. I almost re-lived everything. I could see the city all around me, feel the coldness of the air against my cheeks and smell her fruity perfume. I could see her right in front of me with her beautiful hair and her mesmerising eyes. I replayed our conversations in my head. I could see, almost feel again our very first kiss under the Eiffel Tower.
I literally just smiled in embarrassment at what I have written. It is SO incredibly cheesy and something out of a soppy romantic movie but that’s what happened in Paris. Thinking about Paris and that night brings an increasingly growing cheeky grin to my face and to be perfectly honest it makes my heart smile. I can honestly say that I have never felt this way before. I feel as though she’s ‘the one’ for me. I barely know her; in person we knew each for about 3 full days. Logically, none of this makes any sense but my heart is telling a different story.
I received an email from her a few weeks whilst she was watching The Wedding Planner and a few lines made her think of me. The following quote pretty much sums up our feelings towards each other.
“I barely know you. I don’t know your dad’s first name, I don’t know if you ever wore braces, or contacts, or glasses and I have no idea how you came to be a wedding planner, Mary. But I do know the curves of your face. And I know every fleck of gold in your eyes. I know that the night at the park was the best time I’ve ever had.”
To say she made me smile is an understatement. But, could it be that I’m merely getting carried away with my emotions? It is perfectly feasible that I am making more of this than what is actually there but if I was then she wouldn’t be doing the same if she didn’t feel the same way. When I cast my mind back over previous conversations I know she feels the same way.
People can spend their entire lives looking for ‘the one’ that ironically they want to spend their lives with and unfortunately some never find the person whom they are searching. Surely, if I even remotely think that this is my chance I should grab it with both hands and see what happens? This now turns into one of those ‘easier-said-than-moments’ that people often love to hide behind for fear of failing or getting hurt. It requires strength and courage which I seemingly only possess in my activism. To possess these qualities in personal and emotional matters proves somewhat more difficult. I feel as though I would have more to lose.
For now at least I will of course not be dating or ‘seeing’ anyone. To be perfectly honest it would have to be someone pretty damn special for me to even consider them. They’d literally have to match up to how I feel about her which will be no easy task; not that I’m looking of course.