You know what I can’t stand? I can’t stand people who cheat. Seriously. If you’re no longer happy in your relationship then surely you need to either talk to the other person and try and work things out or if that fails then walk away? I know it’s easier said than done but surely it’s much better for both of you, in the long run, if you just make that decision to walk away rather than flirting/sleeping with other people?
We all have our own stories and indeed opinions on people who cheat; whether that be through personal first-hand experience or if we know someone who’s been through that sort of situation. Either way, it usually makes for a grim and somewhat painful listening session or a re-hashing of painful memories depending on which side of the fence you’re sitting it. We feel sympathy and indeed sometimes empathy with the person who has been cheated on and we don’t exactly have much respect (if at all) left for the person who does the cheating or even the person whom they cheated with.
As you’re sat there reading this you’re probably starting to feel a little sorry for me as you may be thinking that I’ve been cheated on. Well, you’d be wrong. I was the person whom we all love to hate. I was the other woman. Shocked? Yeah, me too. I never thought that I would ever be capable of hurting someone with my actions. Ever. But I did and I’m ashamed of myself. I thought that writing about it would make me feel a little better but if truth be told it really hasn’t. Not even a little bit. I’m still so ashamed of what I’ve done that I can’t move on from it.
I had a really messy break up, got caught up in with one woman after another and then before I knew it, I then became the other woman. There is no justification for what I did. I knew exactly what I was doing. In the beginning I just thought it was a bit of innocent banter and then even when a friend pointed it out to me I continued because if truth be told I enjoyed the attention. Even though she was the one who started it and continued to persist even amidst my frequent objections and the fact that she had cheated on her partner before I still allowed myself to get caught up in the spiral and I (knowingly) carried on falling right down that spiral until I hit the bottom.
I must say that I did sit at the bottom for a while (which usually physicalised as sitting under a running shower) thinking long and hard about what I had done and more importantly, the ramifications of my actions both on myself and on them in terms of their relationship.
I have learnt from my mistakes but I’m scared. I’m scared of this defining who I am. I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time however, the other person was. Not that that really makes much difference. It was still wrong. In the 21 years of my being, this is the worst thing I have ever done. Almost a year later, I am still struggling to leave this chapter of my life behind and start another one hopefully having learnt new lessons and new understandings but I can’t seem to move on. It was Islamically and morally wrong. I crossed lines that should never have even been seen let alone crossed.
Do you ever really move on from this sort of thing? I mean, can you? I just wish I knew how to make peace with it. I suppose it’s about learning to accept your past and indeed your mistakes, making sure that you have learnt your lessons and really ensure that it never happens again.